Balancing Act

Looking good in a hat

 So now that I'm back at work full time, the tattoo shop Ian's working at is up and running, and derby is back on my radar it's time to figure out how I can (or can't) balance all the stuff in my life I want to do.  That my friends, is proving to be quite the challenge.

Merry Christmas World!

My first full time week back at work was awful.  I forced myself to go into the office Monday through Thursday instead of working from home.  Not only that, but I had something going on every night that week...starting on Sunday with derby...babysitting Monday...derby Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday...it just got to be too much.  I felt like I was hardly seeing Ian and Rowan...something I did not like one bit.  So instead of going to derby on Thursday, I stayed home so we could have a family night.  It was much needed.  That week I realized that as much as I want to keep doing everything the same, that just wasn't an option. I wasn't so naive to know that I could keep the same pace/schedule/routine once Rowan was born, I just didn't know how it would all evolve and change.

Each week that I've been at work has gotten a little easier.  It helps that I have been taking advantage of my ability to work from home more and more.  Saving the 30 minute commute downtown each morning AND evening is a huge plus.  It enables me to actually work a 630-300 schedule.  I love getting off work early, though being ready to work at 630 is pretty hard.  Thankfully Rowan is usually waking up around 5 or 530 to eat, so he's a pretty effective alarm clock. 

Montana Moose Shirt!

Working from home has its own set of challenges though.  Ian and I have set it up so that I work up stairs and he watches Rowan downstairs.  Problems is I hear what's going on down there.  When Rowan's upset, I want to hold him-not that Ian's not capable of soothing Rowan, but that's what I want to do as his momma.  When Rowan's happy, I want to see what's making him giggle.  (FYI: Rowan thinks the Violent Femmes are HILARIOUS)  I want to listen to his stories and watch him play with his toys.  But...instead I focus on my work and enjoy feeding Rowan.  That's the only care taking job I have during the week when I work from home.  It's not much, but it gives me a little time each day with my little man.  I just substitute the time I'd spend pumping when at the office for time spent nursing.

Sleep boy

When I get off work, whether I worked from home or went into the office, I don't want to do anything but hang out with Rowan.  I want to see him play, read him stories, and listen to his words.  But then there's the evening activities...derby, cooking, laundry, cleaning, and giving myself time to relax too.  So how do I fit all that in between the hours of 3:00 and 8:00?  I don't.  Our laundry piles up...dog hair lives in our carpet...dishes stack up...and I'm OK with that.  Ian's been doing a lot more of the house chores.  I think he knows I want to see my little boy when I'm done with work and not multitask.  But he can only do so much too.  One the days he goes into the shop, he leaves when I get off work at 3:00.

Then there's this whole idea of spending time with Ian.  We still manage to find time together, but it's not as easy.  Some days I really miss Ian and feel like I hardly talk to him.  He's great at giving me space when I work from home, but on the days he goes to the shop we hardly see each other.  I'm in bed by the time he gets back, so it's a few minutes of talking before he leaves.  Thankfully we have at least one night a week and some time on weekends where we can all be together.  

I know we'll continue to work to find our rhythm.  I also know I'll have to let some things change and perhaps fizzle into the background.  I'm still not sure how it's going to look, but we'll figure it out day by day.  Each day we're figuring out a little bit more. Maybe by the time Rowan moves out we'll have it all figured out.