Friday, March 25, 2011


So, reality is that I'm scared of a lot of things.  I'm not always brave and strong and sometimes I just want to break down and cry because I'm scared.  Last night was one of those moments.

I've been working my arse off since October of last year playing roller derby.  It has been so much fun and such a challenge...I love every minute of it.  I can't get enough of it.  When I completed boot camp, I was going to take a night off of practice semi-regularly so I could spend some time with my husband...that hasn't happened.  The only nights I've taken off are nights when I have something else to do.  I'm addicted to this sport.  I've been working so hard to reach the point where I get to play in a real bout in a real arena against a real team in front of real people.  I found out yesterday April 2nd will be my b-day (bout day).  I am so excited for April 2nd...but last night at our scrimmage practice I was flooded with fear after fear as 7:00 on April 2nd approaches with each minute that ticks off the clock.

I am afraid of falling on my face in front of 3000+ people when doing something simple like skating my introduction laps...I am afraid of letting my team down and being the "weakest link" and causing them to loose a game...I'm afraid of not being good enough...I'm afraid of making major mistakes that land me in the penalty box and a hole in my team's line up...I'm afraid of sitting on the bench more than playing and disappointing the people who came out to support me...I'm afraid of hurting myself majorly in my first bout ever and not being able to play roller derby again.  I'm afraid of so many things...but now it's time to get over them.

Who cares if I fall down?  I'm going to fall when I'm playing and hitting and getting pushed's GOING to happen...accept it. 

If I think I'm going to be the weakest link, then I am.  All I can do, and all my team can ask me to do, is go out there and skate my best...take criticism and direction as it comes...and work with my team.  I'm the only skater on this roster who has NEVER skated in a bout before.  This is going to be a major learning experience for me.  I have to get over worrying that I'm going to be the worst member on my team.  They would not have asked me to play if they didn't think I was capable and ready to play.  There are several girls on the team who aren't getting to play this game that have more experience...but how can I get experience unless my coaches let me play?  I'm trying to change my mentality from "ranking" myself against my fellow skaters to absorbing all I can in the next week and at the bout to learn from their strengths.

News flash...everyone lands in the penalty box at one point or another.  It's another thing that is GOING to happen.  I obviously won't try to end up in the penalty box...I'm going to try to skate clean...but a penalty will happen during the game.

There is a real possibility I will be a bench warmer for this game.  I am after all, the ONLY skater who has NEVER skated in a bout before.  But...bench warming isn't all bad.  From there I can cheer on my teammates...I can watch the jams and see how my team is working...what they are doing well and what they are struggling with and how I can help them when I do go in to play.  I have to remember derby, like all other challenges in life, are taken one step at a time.  Passing my minimum skills test was baby step one (though that was a BIG baby step)...getting placed on the team roster is baby step two...being on the team roster and having the opportunity to play is baby step three...having a lot of play time in a game is baby step four...getting to be a killer player other players talk about is baby step five...etc.  There are so many micro steps in between each baby step...but everything is a series of baby steps.  I'm just getting ready to take my next step on April 2.  I can't get discouraged by taking baby steps.  I'm not the most patient person in the world so this is going to be difficult. steps.

I cannot skate like I am scared of getting hurt.  Derby hurts and there is a high risk of injury.  BUT...this is why I have been building muscle...learning how to skate and how to fall.  These will help me prevent injuries. plus side to being a bench warmer...less time in which to hurt myself =)

While I have so many fears...I have an equal amount of excitement for this coming bout.  I feel like all my hard work and time and derby talk will be validated the moment I put on that uniform and gear up for that game.  It's going to be so rewarding to skate with my team mates and help them in any way I can skate to a victory.  My team is going to bring it on April 2...are you ready?  I am!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

6 weeks to go

It's six weeks to race day.  It's becoming a little more real.  I'm excited for the race to be over.  I've really liked running, and I'm thinking I might keep up with the running once I've completed the half marathon...just not to the same extent as I've been running now.  I'll probably only run once or twice a week on top of derby...that will be enough for me. 

With six weeks left to go I feel like I'm in a pretty good position.  My runs start getting longer this week....7 miles which I believe will be difficult, but not impossible.  It was nice to be able to run 3 miles with "ease" today.  I pushed myself a little bit, so it wasn't all easy, but I was able to do it and didn't feel like quitting at any point during the run.  That felt really good.  I ran 4 miles outside this last week and that was difficult.  I'm glad the weather is starting to warm up so I can run more outside.  I need to be doing that.  I was surprised when I ran the 4 miles outside how much more difficult it is to run outside.  I don't have the treadmill to help me set my pace and the incline is not steady.  But...I've still got 6 weeks to get my body used to running outside.

Thankfully my knees have been cooperating with me.  They hurt every now and then, but a little bit of ice and rest and they really do feel better.  I'm so grateful for that.  I was very nervous about what my knees would be doing about now...but they are hanging in there.

My goal for the next week is to get comfortable running and setting my own pace outside.  And getting some songs together for a play list to listen to during my race.  Any suggestions you have would be awesome.  I haven't looked through my library too much yet...but that is certainly on my to do list between now and May 1.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Waiting for the sunshine

I learned something about running this last gets very boring when you have to run inside.  Running for 5 miles on a treadmill or on an indoor track gets really old really fast.  Thankfully, when you run with company it's not as bad.  At least then you have someone to talk to.  Forecast for this weekend is looking pretty good for running outside though...woohoo!

I struggled this last week with one day's run.  It was very discouraging to me to have to quit before I finished my distance, but my body couldn't take it any more.  I was doing my hard run of the week.  I discovered if I walk for a quarter mile, jog a quarter mile, then run hard for a quarter mile, I'm pushing myself really hard without killing myself.  I did that two weeks ago and got through 3.75 miles no problem.  Last week I tried the same thing and couldn't finish.  I don't know what it was, but my body just felt off and I couldn't do more than 2.8something miles.  Part of it might have been that I was running at least an hour later in the day than I was used to..without eating anything extra.  I was also running on a different treadmill and I'm pretty sure I hadn't been drinking as much water that week.  But...whatever the reason, my body would not let me finish.  Frustrating for sure.

Thankfully my friend and I had already made plans to run the next day.  I got up and ran 5 miles with her.  That felt so good for me to know that I can do it.  Having an off day was a little discouraging, but I had to get up and try again the next day because I had made a commitment with my friend.  She keeps telling me that I'm encouraging her in the running, but I don't think she realizes how much of an encouragement she is to me.  As I've alluded to in previous posts...I struggle with self-discipline.  It's very easy for me to become a quitter just because I don't want to work that hard.  She (and the other women in my group) are encouraging me to not be a quitter.  They are giving me a reason to keep running.  The best part about it is I'm starting to like running and seeing HUGE benefits from it (namely in roller endurance is awesome because of all this extra endurance training!).

So...thank you ladies...thank you Micki for not letting me get lazy.  Let's hope Saturday is 40s and sunny like they forecast so we can conquer our 6 miles outside.