It's the most wonderful time of the year!

I LOVE Christmas time!  Every year when it comes around, I am soooooo excited for the snow to fall, the baking to be done, the family to see, and the gifts to give.  It's such a wonderful time of year...and I love to soak up every minute of it.  This year is no exception, and the Christmas season is of to a fantastic start.  Today was such a wonderful day I think I could burst with happiness.  I got to do some fun crafting for the Black and Blue Ball with the ORG Hospitality Committee...I got to eat my favorite lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup...I got to bake Christmas cookies with my dear friend Micki...it snowed like 5 inches (the first real snow of the season)...I got my AMAZING shoes for the Black and Blue Ball in the mail...and I got to spend time with my incredible husband.  Life couldn't be better than it is right at this moment.

Of all the things I am thankful for in my life, I think the thing that I am most thankful for is this contentment and peace I have.  I am so happy with where I'm at.  Some days I am not always happy with everything...I wish I didn't have the stress of bills and budgeting... I wish I got more sleep...I wish I didn't have to go through sorrow and loss.  My life isn't perfect, there's no question about that.  But even in the moments of imperfection, I am OK with whatever happens.  I am so grateful that I have been blessed with more than I need...that I have people in my life to take care of me when I can't...that I have at least one thing that brings a smile to my face each and every day.  I don't deserve all of this, but I am so incredibly thankful I am blessed with all that is in my life. 

Merry Christmas to you all!  I hope you enjoy these next three weeks in anticipation of Christmas day as much as I do...it's going to be WONDERFUL!

Derby-versary: lessons learned in a year

Second game-Red v. Black scrimmage

Well...one year ago I started roller derby boot camp.  Yup-exactly one year ago.

I think about that first day of boot camp...my equipment was all still new.  I remember Bruiseberry Muffin had to adjust my toe stops because they were ALL the way out...like I knew that wasn't natural?  Derby lesson #1-toe stops
need to be in a bit so they don't drag on the floor and mess up your skating.  Thanks to Bruise for making the adjustment and not judging me for my ignorance. 

I was missing some of my gear, so I had to borrow elbow pads and wrist guards.  For some reason, my 'rookie package' didn't get all the parts and pieces.  I went to the gear box and borrowed some equipment.  Ima Firestarter handed me wrist guards and said that I get to wear "Ima's stinky gear" as though it was a badge of honor.  I was too star stuck to realize that her old gear really was stinky.  Derby lesson #2-gear stink NEVER goes away.  How did I combat this?  Not washing my gear for a solid 10 months...only to wash it once and then decide to buy new pads (well...wrists and knees at least...I'm still sporting the original pad funk in the elbow region)

We started boot camp with SOOOOO many new people.  I think there were over 60 of us.  I don't remember half of their names, mostly because a lot of them ended up dropping out for one reason or another.  Injuries plagued some...family commitments got others...and still some fell victim to the immense commitment of derby.  Either way, a large percentage of our boot camp class dropped off.  Derby lesson #3-Derby has a HIGH turnover.  It makes me sad, but I totally understand how now everyone can be a skater.  Derby takes a toll on your body and eats up all your free time.  Thankfully, the league needs more than just skaters and has room for everyone.

The first round of testing went AWESOME!  I was super stoked at how that went...I went home and posted my results on the refrigerator.  I was mostly surprised I managed to test well given the fact that AnnA Maniac was my evaluator.  If I thought I was star struck when Ima lent me her old pads...I was BEYOND star struck when THE ONE AND ONLY AnnA Maniac was evaluating MY skating abilities after 6 weeks of boot camp.  I almost peed my pants...not going to lie.  Derby lesson #4-one CAN learn minimum skating skills in a manner of 6 weeks. Just keep skating...just keep skating...just keep skating skating.

The second round of testing was less than stellar.  I did not pass...barely...but no pass nonetheless.  I really wanted to cry when I read those results.  I didn't understand what I did wrong.  I thought I had it down...I thought I did it right...I thought I knew what I was doing.  That's not how I tested though.  Derby lesson #5-derby leads to heartbreak.  Derby has been a HUMBLING experience for me.  I did not like this first humbling...but I keep fighting and working and developing to become better each and every practice.  I may not always succeed, but that doesn't mean I stop.

Once I passed the second round of testing (on the second try) I was admitted into the league.  I didn't really know what that meant at the time...and I don't really think I can say what it means now...but I do know I'm a part of something.  I'm a part of a group of strong and amazing women that are working together to better themselves, the sport of roller derby, and the Omaha community.  I found out this summer I am more a part of this group than I realized.  When Selah died in May, I had league members I had barely talked to (again...STAR STRUCK) reach out to me and offer their sympathies.  When I had my miscarriage in June, even more league members I had barely talked to reached out to me and offered sympathies.  Derby lesson #6-league members are supportive of other league members even if they are wallflowers (like meeeeeeeee!).

First Game! 

As the season progressed, I got more and more involved in the league.  It was great to begin building relationships and seeing the 'sisterhood' described in our league bylaws.  I didn't have sisters growing up...and I'm willing to bet the league 'sisterhood' is not the same as biological 'sisterhood'.  However, I am willing to bet that biological sisters experience some of the same drama that is experienced in the 'sisterhood' of roller derby.  Feelings get hurt and conflict happens-especially since not all personalities mix well.  Derby lesson #7-a league comprised mostly of and run by women is bound to experience some form of drama sooner or later.  The good news is derby lesson #8 is that the Omaha Roller Girls are willing to talk about differences and ways to better the league AS A LEAGUE instead of getting angry or frustrated and self-imploding.  That's one of the reasons why I am proud to say I am an Omaha Roller Girl. 

 

As I prepare to embark on year #2, I know there will be more lessons.  I'm not sure what is in the coming year, but I'm excited to see what lies ahead. 

So thank you Omaha Roller Girls for welcoming me into your club. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FORBID N. FRUIT!!!

Turning of the season and helping others

I always forget how much I love fall season.  It's so nice to have a break from the HOT and HUMID weather.  Stepping outside when it's crisp, sunny, and cool outside just makes me happy.  Plus...that means winter and the first snow is on its way.  I am one of those weird people that really enjoys snow and cold...I know I know...I'm crazy.

While a lot of people dislike the winter months because of the dreary atmosphere, bad roads and even worse drivers, or inevitable illnesses, others dislike them because of the cold and lack of protection they have from the elements.  This has never bothered me.  I grew up in South Dakota...which really had mild winters in comparison.  Much of my family is from further north, so I got a taste of cold Minnesota winters as well.  Because my parents are from the great white north, I learned how to 'survive' the winter.  I learned that winter gear is essential and one must dress for the cold if one is to avoid being miserable.  Sadly, not everyone living in northern climates are accustomed to cold winters and are not equipped to survive the winters let alone enjoy them. 

Surprisingly, Omaha has a fairly large refugee population.  A large number of refugees from several countries resettle in Omaha.  One of the largest groups in Omaha now are people from Burma.  Burma is experiencing a terrible civil war.  There are many people groups within Burma who want their independence and the right to form their own states.  This desire is being resisted by the existing government through an incredible amount of violence.  Various people groups are resorting to life in refugee camps in Thailand for some semblance of safety and holding their family together...though this does not always happen.  When a family is able to flee Burma and take refuge in another location, such as Omaha, they take the opportunity seeking jobs, education for their children, and above all: safety.  They come with everything they have, which isn't much.  The clothes they have are certainly not enough to protect them from the cold winters in Omaha. 

This fall, I am helping others at my church with a way to help these people meet a very real and very tangible need.  Crocheting and knitting have been a hobby in my family for many many generations.  I learned when I was in college and have learned some very simple patterns for blankets, scarves, and hats.  A few ladys at my church also crochet and knit.  One of them had the brilliant idea of setting a goal of crocheting and/or knitting 150 hats and scarves for the refugees from Burma by October 1 to help them prepare for the winter months.  Refugees new to Omaha have NEVER seen snow in their lives...how could they know what they need to stay warm?  There is NO WAY any one individual could knit or crochet that many hats and scarves in a month, so we're working together as a community to achieve this goal.  Since she's set this goal, I've started to trade my lay around and do nothing time for lay around and crochet time.  My progress is slow since I don't have a ton of extra time between derby and work, but I'm finding the time I can to make just one more hat or one more scarf for one more person.  I've finished one adult hat, one baby hat, and one child's hat.  I'm starting another adult hat now.  I'm hoping to get a few hats done so I can move on to more time consuming scarves. 

I tell you all this to offer you a chance to help as well.  Bust our that hook or those needles and make one or more.  Any contribution you can make will meet a need for one person.  Feel free to send me an e-mail (imv dot 0707 at gmail dot com) and I can let you know where to send them so we can reach our goal of 150.  Don't know how to crochet?  Share this blog with your friends and family that do to see if they want to make a hat or four. 

Thanks for your help.  I'll post some pictures of final products here closer to October 1.

New "puppy"

A couple of weeks ago we decided to adopt a new puppy.  We felt like Church was little lonely since Selah died, so we wanted to get another dog.  We did some looking around on line and at the local humane society.  We ended up finding Bishop at the shelter in Council Bluffs.  All we knew about Bishop when we adopted him is that he's a Rottweiler mix and he was about 5-6 months old.  He was super playful and really sweet when we visited him the day we decided to adopt. 

When we brought him home, we saw just how sweet he is.  Bishop just loves attention.  When ever we pet him, he just melts into the big puddle of puppy at our feet.  He's pretty great...and we like him a lot...so I guess we'll keep him =)

 Taking a break from trying to play with Church.  She likes him much better when he leaves her alone, but she has tried to play with him a couple of times at the dog park.

 Sweet 'little' puppy.  He was about 60 pounds when we adopted him.  Not sure how much he's grown...or how much more he's going to grow...

 Bishop found the mud puddle at the dog park. 

He even dunked his head in.  He heard mud baths were good for the skin...

Survivor!

It's official, I am a Warrior Dash survivor!  Frankly I'm just thankful that I did in fact SURVIVE that race...lemme 'splain...

The Warrior Dash is an adventure 5k that is described as the 'craziest frickin day of your life'.  As you run the 5k you have 12 obstacles to complete such as climbing over walls, balance beams, trekking through streams, jumping fire, and crawling through mud.  All in all...a crazy and AWESOME race.  HOWEVER, there was a 13th obstacle this year...100+ degree heat index.  Needless to say, there wasn't a lot of running on my part.  Ian and I trained to run this race, but decided to save our health and walk instead.  We completed it and felt good afterwards.  Hot...sweaty...drained...and a little sun burned, but we weren't among the 90 people taken to the hospital for heat related conditions.  We ran at 1:00 pm...the stopped letting people run by the time we finished a little after 2:00...yeah...it was that hot.

All that being said, I'm still so proud that Ian and I did that race.  Sure our time is nothing to brag about, but it was a goal Ian and I set.  We trained for it together and completed the race together.  It was pretty cool to do that with him.  The most amazing thing is we're both talking about what we're going to do differently next year.  First thing: earlier in the summer.  Second thing: further north.  We may even go commando if that's an option for next year.  (And if we did the go commando race, Ian would be so grateful that I wouldn't be singing this song up until race day)

We did have a great time.  We drove down with some friends from derby and met up with some other ORG gals when we got there.  It was definitely an encouragement to have some friendly faces along the way.  ORG REPRESENT!

 Ian and I after the race.  We had about half of the mud washed off at this point.  The rest was dried and crusty.

My warrior wound!  My leg met the ground on the first obstacle.  Make me feel pretty bad ass to know I finished the race with this on my leg for 90% of it.

Looking forward

I have really struggled with finding the words to post recently.  I wouldn't say I've had writer's block-it's more that putting things into words makes them a reality for me...and sometimes I would rather avoid reality than face it. 

A few months ago I was writing this blog about running.  Training for a race was a great experience-but come early May, the race was done.  I knew I would keep running a little bit, but there wasn't that much more for me to write about.  I wasn't sure what my blog would become, but the answer befell me in an incredible way. 

In the middle of May, Ian and I found out we were pregnant.  We were both SUPER excited that we were going to become parents.  We had been hoping to start a family for a little over a year, but hadn't gotten pregnant.  We were always of the mind set though that when it was our time to have a baby, we would be able to.  We were just surprised and disappointed when it took so long for it to happen.  When the pregnancy test finally showed a positive reading, it was one of those moments that felt too good to be true. 

We didn't tell people about our pregnancy right away.  I did start writing some blogs to be posted when we were ready to make the 'big announcement' about how I had been feeling, what the doctor was saying, etc.  I had been feeling incredible and chalked it up to being one of the lucky few women who didn't experience all the negative side effects of pregnancy.  I was still nervous though about the chance of miscarriage so we kept our news to ourselves until we went to the doctor. 

We had our first OB appointment when I was nine weeks along.  We went through a whole lot of information and an exam.  She said everything was looking good and she had no reason to be concerned at that point.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I was so glad there was nothing she saw to be concerned about.  We decided to tell our family and some of our close friends.  We didn't want to tell everyone until after we heard the heart beat.  Though the more people we told, the more excited I let myself become and the more real it felt...we were going to have a baby.

I soon learned how quickly things could change.  We went to the doctor at 11 weeks to hear the heartbeat.  After a few minutes of search, the doctor said she couldn't hear anything.  She got an ultrasound machine and she looked for the baby.  She said it looked like the baby had stopped developing at 7 or 8 weeks.  We were both speechless...we didn't know what to do or say.  This little life was gone before we had a chance to learn much of anything about it. 

Words could not express the sense of defeat I felt at that point.  I had resisted the temptation to become outwardly excited about having a baby until something 'felt' real about it.  It had begun to feel real a few weeks before, and then all of a sudden reality came crashing down.  I felt as though I had been punched in the gut.  We had waited what felt like forever to get pregnant and then it was gone in a matter of weeks. 

In the weeks following, I have had a roller coaster of emotions.  I felt physical pain when my body was trying to naturally miscarry.  I felt numb when I went in for surgery to ensure all tissue was removed to prevent an infection.  I felt kicked down repeated when I heard about other women getting pregnant and having babies.   I felt an overwhelming sense of support from my friends and family...some of whom have been through this same experience.  I felt a sense of loss when I think about the fact our little baby is gone...he or she died in the earliest stages of life.  I felt discouraged that when we had FINALLY been able to get pregnant, we lost the baby.  I felt angry that we were going through this.  I felt awful when I was unable to be happy for those around us experiencing baby related joy.  Each day brought a new series of emotions...many of which caught me completely off guard. 

It's still heartbreaking to think about and I don't want to admit that it's real.  Though it wouldn't solve anything or make me feel better, I really wish it was all just a dream.  I wish Ian and I didn't have to go through this...but we did and we are.  I still have feelings to process-hence the post.  I need to admit this experience happened instead of living as though it was just a bad dream.  Living in denial won't change anything...it will just mask the feelings of hurt and loss I have felt.  I need to admit I am angry.  I need to admit I want to understand why, though I know I never will.  I need to admit I'm scared shit less this will become a repeat experience.  I need to admit that though others around me have experienced these same feelings, I still feel as though I'm all alone. 

I know this is not going to be a chapter in my life that will define who I am.  I know I will be able to process these emotions and this loss and I won't let it consume me.  I do need to let this chapter write itself out completely...I keep trying to put the final period in it and I can't do that yet.  I just need to let each day bring whatever it's going to bring, and look forward to the day when I can look back and see the beauty that resulted from this loss.

Really...it's only been a week???

I feel like it has been so much longer than a week since the run...though a lot has happened.  I am still amazed though how good I felt after the run.  My knees are a little angry with me...but I don't know if that's from the run or derby or all the training or a combination of factors.  I'm whipping my knees into shape though.  Here's a picture of me and my friend whom I 'ran' into (no pun intended) during the race.  We ran together for the bulk of the race which made it far less boring.  So glad to have seen you Emmy Lou!

The week before the run, one of our dogs got sick.  She got progressively worse throughout the week so I took her back to the vet on Saturday (after being there on Thursday).  The vet wanted to keep her over the weekend to try and get a fever down and figure out what was wrong with her.  I had been so stressed out with her because she was having seizures and I didn't know what to do.  It was such a relief that she was going to be in 'puppy hospital' while I went down to Lincoln and ran. 

When we got back to Omaha, she was doing pretty much the same.  She was having some seizures and was partially paralyzed.  After talking with the vet the day after the run, we decided to put her down as she was not going to make a recovery.  We're not sure what happened...something neurologically related is all we know.  It was so sad to put her down because she was such a fun loving puppy.  She had turned two about two weeks before we had to put her down.  She was too young, but had we not made the decision we did, then she would have been in our home a very sad and lonely dog compared to the rambunctious pup she was the week before. 

After that, I had to go out of town for work for a night, and then back to the regular practice schedule of derby, then a busy weekend with birthday celebrations and derby stuff, and now we're back to today.  PLUS, last week I decided to run TWO 5K races this summer.  I'm going to run one in Lenexa, Kansas with my brother on the 4th of July.  It will be his first race.  I'm excited to run with him and have a reason to keep running each week.  Then at the end of July, I'm going to run the Warrior Dash with my husband.  This race is an adventure 5K that includes running the 3.1 miles PLUS doing all sorts of crazy obstacles.  We got inspired by a friend of ours and my cousin who is running an adventure 5K in June in Minnesota.  It looks like it will be a blast.  This will also be Ian's first race.  I was honestly very surprised when he said he wanted to run this one, but he said it looked like fun.  I guess that's the adventurous and crazy side of him coming out.  I'm just glad we're going to have a race to train for together.  I'm not sure how my fear of the dark will reconcile with the 'blackout' obstacle...but we'll see when we get there.  At least that's at the beginning of the race so it will be done and over with soon.

I have no doubt this week is going to fly by again.  Ian and I are going to start our training program.  We're going to use the Couch to 5K plan to get us both ready for the 5K in July.  Once again, I'm anticipating my running training will be modified because of my derby practice schedule...but running will be there nonetheless. 

And now I'm off to bed.  Sleep is a beautiful thing...I'm thinking I may try to get more of it here in the near future.  =)