The weeks keep moving on. That means each day I wake up is one day closer to meeting our little Rowan. That also means I'm one day closer to experiencing something that scares the crap out of me: labor and delivery.
I'm not afraid to admit that I'm scared of giving birth. I know it's a natural process and women have been doing it for thousands of years...but I've never done it! I have no idea what it's going to be like...how long it's going to take us...if we're going to have any complications...if things are going to go to plan. I'm glad there are lots of women in my life who have experienced giving birth recently that can share their stories with me. I'm also very glad we are taking a 10 week child birth class at our hospital to help prepare us. It's a longer class because it's geared towards women who want natural child labor. My plan involves no medication and Rowan coming out in a textbook perfect delivery on September 3rd so his birthday will be 09/03/12 (because 9+3=12...and that's labor day...ironic no?). OH...and my plan is to have labors like my mother...between and hour and a half (me) and three hours (my brother)...TOTAL. Realistic? Nope...but one can always dream right?
I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle the pain or the waiting. I remember the contractions I felt when we had our miscarriage and my body started contracting. They certainly weren't comfortable, but they also weren't working to push out a fully developed baby. Not quite sure how I'm going to adjust to the differences there, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Right now, I have to say that my biggest fear is having to be induced. What happens if Rowan doesn't come out? What happens if September 6th...10th...14th..comes and goes, and he's making no movements towards the door? What then? Do we wait? Do we induce? That waiting game is going to be hard. And then there's the waiting game of being at home or at the hospital waiting through the contractions that are just there to get us ready for delivery. Some people may not know this about me, but I'm not always a patient person when it comes to waiting for things I want. Just ask Ian...he knows that part of my personality all too well...
I know that no matter how the story goes, the ending is the same: Rowan is delivered. I know that I have the ability to give birth naturally. I also know that I'm not a 'failure' or did something 'wrong' if I can't give birth naturally (either by using medication or having a C-Section). I know I have a husband that completely supports the plan that we have for getting Rowan out into this world. I also know that Ian is a smart guy who's going to work with me in making the healthiest choices for our son's delivery. I know I'm going to have lots of support and encouragement from friends and family on D-Day (delivery day) for whatever fear I'm facing that moment. I also know I'll have an equal amount of encouragement from the same friends and family that it's OK if things can't go according to my plan.
Do all these assurances I have ease my fears? A little...but not much. Labor and delivery is going to be something COMPLETELY different than ANYTHING I've ever experienced before. But, I still have time to prepare and time to wait.